The Secretary’s Ten Commandments
A Secretary must remember at all times she is absolutely stupid.
A Secretary must remember that she must obey what ever happens.
A Secretary must realise that, although her boss has never touch-typed, he can
do her job in half the time and twice
as accurately.
A Secretary must understand that
“Secretary” is just another word
for doormat, tea pourer, post-mistress, mechanic, general buyer, organised conveyor, walking encyclopedia, listening post, servant, shop-hand and finder of
misplaced items.
A Secretary must have available
at all times a crystal ball, aspirin, nail
file, cork screw, tact and charm, endless
sympathy and limitless patience.
A Secretary must remember, in
times of flap and stress, that she has never worked as
hard as a man.
A Secretary
must remember to be pleasant from Monday
morning to Saturday lunchtime.
A Secretary must be able to read shorthand, longhand,
script, scrawl, reports and letters written under water, in bed, in the bath, in the train, or plane; written in
pencil, charcoal, biro, over-inked crowbar, and also writing done under a microscope. She must be able to unravel her
master’s voice from a series of
extraneous noises on a Dictaphone, such as his dog barking, and distinguish a hiccup from a comma.
A Secretary must be neat and tidy (and, if possible glamorous—despite the fact that she must be the lowest paid member
of the staff) at all times, but never,
never comb her hair, make-up, or
clean nails in office hours. She
must also try to be a fairy.
A Secretary must remember that men
are—It, Majesty, Mohammed, Prime
Minister, Chief Whip, Genius, Lord and Master, handsome,
irresistible and not “that so-and-so”. They all look handsome, have a the love life of Don Juan are as funny
as Bob Hope and, of course, must be worshiped respected,
idolised, to be wrapped
in cotton wool, defended against
all comers and loved no matter what the heck they look like. Which shows that there’s more to being a Secretary than meets the eye.
The weaker sex is the stronger sex only because of the weakness of the stronger for the
weaker sex.